You can't write that! Who cannit??

Today I was going to write about how the pandemic has affected my family, the isolation the numb feeling and there just being me for almost a year as my husband still had to physically go to work. But then I though, no one wants to hear that crap, I don’t even want to talk about that crap… instead I will tell you all about my book! Ok, that sounded way more exciting than it probably is, but I am pretty excited about it. My aim for this book is to hopefully complete the following,

Make more parents and carers feel less alone through my story. I know, lots of

people try and do this, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. So what will make me different? I have no tolerance for bullshit. So, instead of saying ‘there, there, it gets better, it will all be ok’… instead I say, ‘you know what? It’s fucking hard. Not is it hard, it’s lonely. It is a hell of a lot of explaining to people that it is hard too and yet they never get it’. So I am definitely more straight to the point. I’m not an optimist nor a pessimist, I am more a middle man. Life is what you make it after all.

Be informative, yet not overwhelming. I found that when I came into the SEND world with Delilah the information was overwhelming or it was pitiful. From the professionals and support services it was a hell of a lot of leaflets and directions to coffee groups. When I was in coffee groups in the early days I felt like a fraud, I felt as if everyone else had it harder than I did so I shouldn’t have been there. Then there was the social media groups, the advice from others and the parents that had been there done that… they were too much. I was overwhelmed by it all, I literally gave myself a sensory overload, scared myself and logged off.

I want to see less people struggling. When I came into the world of SEND I struggled massively with the ‘upkeep’. I shouldn’t swear too much, as I am around professionals all the time. I should be able to cope better, as other parents were. I am a fraud because my bairn isn’t as bad as their bairn so Im taking up unnecessary time. How will I cope? Where did everyone go? Did I bite too hard at them when they said they were tired? They didn’t KNOW tired… I was angry, resentful, grieving and full of guilt. I ended up struggling with anxiety, my mental health and with depression.

I believe that parents hit a point of exhaustion where their mental health really starts to struggle, this is down to isolation and the fear of the unknown. If I knew what I know now would I have cope better? Probably not but at least I would have been one step further ahead. Parents who are just arriving into the SEND world need a helping hand. Not by professionals, not by those who have been trained how to support someone, but from those that actually have lived it. Those who truly ‘get it’.

Lastly, I want it to be a good read. Is my grammar perfect? nope. Do I make an awesome blogger? Not exactly. Am I trying to be an influencer and make millions via the web? Certainly not, money doesn’t bother me like that plus, I swear way too much… I have a passion for helping people, I do. I also have a passion for drawing to so a few of my illustrations are going into as they have really spoke to people, which amazes me. I’m a listener and a talker. I know when to shut my gob and when to open it, I see that as a bonus! I am looking to self publish to start with. My future long term goal is to issue it for free at those first crucial appointments, because it will hopefully be a comfort read. I love the idea of it being like a Emmas diary but for parents in the SEND world. I loved Emmas diary when I was pregnant, I read it front to back, back to front with all three pregnancies, but I feel the last time round I should have been handed a whole new handbook. I needed someone to say “oh sorry, pass that one back, here’s the one YOU need”. It probably would of offended or upset me, i’ll be honest, but I soon would taken it out of the draw and read it. At least I would have had the choice, for when I was ready.

So, if you have wrote a book reach out! If you have any questions, suggestions or queries, reach out! If you have a fucking clue what I’m doing, reach out and let me know, as I have no clue…even though i’m seven chapters in haha! My life is messy, this life is messy but it’s my mess, to share with you. Tracey


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