The Hard Life Café...

Mental Health

Maybe you're depressed they’d say… Have you spoke to someone? They’d say…

Actually, yes, yes I have. I have had CBT course and counselling. It’s not depression, it’s not PTSD, it is just a hard life.

It is a hard life we have, all at different varying amounts, but it is still hard. It is still out of our comfort zone the things we do. We aren’t watching our kids from the sidelines and guiding them as you would a neuro-typical child. We are in the thick of it, lifting and handling, feeding and cleaning, we are here doing it all for them. Not to say those other parents don’t have it hard, as trust me with having two older children it is super hard, but a lot harder for having more to do. In the last 9 years I have navigated some of thee most trickiest days I have ever had. I have suffered majorly with anxiety, I have cancelled appointments as I wanted to be there and my brain wouldn’t allow it. I have isolated myself and put myself through hell… for no reason… but I am feeling 150% times better these days. For talking to someone, looking into my own health and realising I had other issues. But it wasn’t depression. My husband has AF a heart condition that became worse under the strain of our hard life. I have seen him be defib-ed, a few times, actually. I have sat with him for hours on end in A&E watching his heart rate slowly start to come down when its reached its highest peaks, I have seen the doctors and nurses faces when he has give them a scare and they said nothing to me, but I knew.

But it is not depression.

It isn’t depression, the reason I sometimes cry for no reason. Its not depression, the reason I struggle at times to get my head around a busy week. It’s not depression, the reason I feel so lonely in a busy room. It sounds like depression though doesn’t it? But it is not. I can see the beauty in things, I can see the wonder in having adventures and exploring with the kids. I can see Dan and I, renewing our vows in two years (he doesn’t want to have to marry me again but I am making him ha!)… I can see it all. It is not depression, it is just a hard life. If you feel this way, if you feel your days are too much or your life is a bit hectic, out of sorts and you are struggling, speak to someone. Anyone. If you feel you need help ask for it, don’t reach crisis point, it is harder to come back from crisis point, trust me. But if you just feel a bit blah, or cry now and again, or have a whine… welcome to the hard life club. We are all here, sleep deprived, a little chubby (oh, just me? Ok then…) from living off sandwiches, on the go food and sugar, all fuelled on some sort of caffeine, but not depressed. There is no shame in mental health, there is no shame in depression, anxiety or struggling. There is no shame in how you deal with it, along as you can see the wood for the trees then you are doing ok. You are probably doing more than ok, you just don’t realise it. To others you are extraordinary, how do you manage it all?? How do you do it?? But to you, you may feel the complete opposite, I know, I feel it. We all do. So come in, take a seat, grab a cuppa and let’s discuss your hard life in this club, that none of us asked to be in.

Tracey x

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