There is this belief by others that you learn to accept everything as it is. As if you wake up one day and think yep, everything is ok this way. But that doesn’t happen does it? To a degree we do have a form of acceptance, but what we actually accept and what people think we do are two completely different things. For me, I have acceptance that this is life, that I have a child with additional needs who I will care for, for the rest of my life. What I don’t accept is the news that my child will never ever be what I imagined. Hear me out… I love my daughter, she is amazing wonderful and beautiful and we love her so much. Would I change her? No… As then she wouldn’t be Delilah, this funny, dry humoured, funny little mess that she is. It is in our nature to always want more for our children, to always strive for the best. So when your child doesn’t reach their capabilities it makes you sad and upset. Not disappointed, or anything, just sad. It is upsetting for a parent to look at her child as I have many times, when she has been upset as she isn’t able to do what another is. I will always remember Delilahs first Halloween disco at her new school, as Delilah is a PD (physically disabled) child I was expected to stay throughout to one side just to keep an eye on her. I was happy to, I was getting to see her in her environment, with her new friends, some in wheelchairs too. Delilah loves music, to sing and dance. So off she went to the dance floor… alone. She was just there spinning her chair for about 5 minutes in a room full of kids who were all stood chatting to one another, her school is half mainstream, half medical provision and the kids her age are now starting to grow up. She was just there, feeling the music, alone. My heart sank, actually it still aches now thinking about it.
Then, this little girl came wandering over and asked if she could join in, she took Delilahs hand and they began to dance together. Shortly after there was a few of them, some in chairs and some without. My heart burst. In that moment I was both devastated and overwhelmed. She was alone, if I could change it all I would have. Then it was gone. These kids had accepted her, cared for and didn’t care about the chair or the needs. It was all they knew of Delilah and it didn’t matter. Unlike me… the person who will always want more for her. So acceptance, a term that no one quite understands unless they are in the club. Acceptance in the dictionary is stated as - acceptance
noun: acceptance; plural noun: acceptances
the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered. "charges involving the acceptance of bribes"
a draft or bill of exchange that is accepted by being signed. "a banker's acceptance"
the process or fact of being received as adequate, valid, or suitable. "you must wait for acceptance into the village”
So after reading the dictionary and the meaning, I am even more settled that what we feel is not acceptance, quite the opposite. We simply didn’t consent to receive this life for our children, we didn’t sign for it on request and they most certainly aren’t accepted as others are. What we accept is just this life, we accept our children as they are as we love them of course, but we don’t accept or give in on our children.
After all who would? Tracey x